The Jugendamt (Child Welfare
Services) is not part of the court system, but a government agency tasked to
take care of children if their welfare is in danger or their interests are at
stake. However the court system depends greatly on the advice of the Jugendamt
when it comes to custody disputes.
In custody disputes, the
court will always involve the Jugendamt and ask them to assess the situation
and make a recommendation. Despite being simply “recommendations” in reality
the judge will go with them. In light of this I have heard it repeated often
that the Jugendamt has a very bad track record when it comes to dealing with
parents who are not Austrians. In my case, I cannot conclusively say it was
biased against me. It fully depended on the social worker and perhaps their
education or experience, and therefore their capability to identify a
psychopath. I had two social workers who fully took my side after meeting my
ex-husband just once, and I had those that sided with him based solely on him
being an Austrian.
As part of the
settlement I had grudgingly agreed to have my ex-husband take the child daily
from kindergarten in the afternoon, and bring her home to me by 6pm, as well as
overnight stay every second weekend. Again, as a foreigner, no money, no legal
representation, I was terrified of having a custody case drag on for years in
court, and psychologically I was already battered. I needed peace.
The first Jugendamt
session I attended was in the 10th district where the social worker appointed
to our case very visibly showed her unfriendliness towards me (in front of my
Frauenhaus social worker – my social worker was quite angry and stated that if
this happened once more she would write an official letter of complaint to the
Jugendamt. Luckily before I had to deal with her I was given my own apartment
in a different district, and therefore wasn’t under the 10th district
jurisdiction anymore).
Soziale Arbeit mit Familien, 10.Bezirk, Team B - MA 11 - Amt
für Jugend und Familie
1100 Wien
Our case was moved to
the new jurisdiction in the 4th district. Here I met a relatively young social
worker who wasn’t quite prepared to deal with my ex-husband in my opinion.
Soziale Arbeit mit Familien, 1., 4., 5.Bezirk - MA 11 - Amt
für Jugend und Familie
1040 Wien
I remember my ex-husband
complained that my apartment was a danger to my daughter, that there were
electrical sockets hanging loose from the walls, and I had my windows open and therefore
the child could fall out the window. (At this point in time I still felt we
could have some semblance of communication and civility towards each other, and
therefore I still invited him to my new place and even let him have a few
minutes with us – apparently he was on spy mode). Well the new social worker
and her boss arranged a home visit to my apartment where they went through
everything. They concluded that there was no danger in my apartment.
My ex-husband didn’t let
up. I later learnt that he went to the head of the Jugendamt and shouted so
loud that he brought “business” to a halt in the building. A second home visit
was demanded of me. I reminded them that I was living in a government
apartment, run by the Frauenhaus, and before moving in a government inspector
had to be sent to ensure that everything was in order. I will never forget
their response. I was told that as long as one parent registers a complaint
they must look into it, regardless of how stupid or trivial it is, and this is
an eventuality I have to prepare for the rest of my life (or his life,
hopefully – sadly I’ve been told assholes’ funerals come quite later in life as
one would wish for).
Additionally to this, my
daughter began crying pitifully anytime she had to go to her father. He would
get angry and hold her ransom, telling her she doesn’t love him, even though he
loves her very much, and I think this just drew her farther away from him. I
was again reported to the Jugendamt where my social worker told me it was my responsibility
to prepare the child to go to her father. I was informed that whether she cried
or not, she had to go, that was it. (Up to this point I was of the opinion that
the child’s needs were put first, but I found out that it depends – on what,
monthly periods? I can’t say). I was hammered. I had to watch my screaming
child taken away daily, and simply retreat to my apartment and cry my heart
out. While the separation from my daughter was traumatic for me, what she
was actually going through alone with an unstable mind was ripping me apart.
For one, he is by nature a very forgetful person, and the child would come home
after a whole day with him really hungry, telling me she hadn’t eaten all day.
When I asked him about this in the presence of the social worker, I was
informed that going one day without eating for the child isn’t so tragic. More
tragic would be denying her contact with her father. The two things are
apparently mutually exclusive – if I would at least cut down the visits to only
afternoon, then I’d be denying contact to the father (which apparently
supersedes all other needs, even basic ones like food). The threats he made to
her, that he would leave her when she cried, so I could be both her mother and
father were considered simply him being emotional – to be ignored.
We then had a weekly
appointment together with the social worker to try and mediate our differences.
My ex-husband dominated the talks, came with witnesses, wanted to record the
sessions on his phone, wanted transcripts of the conversations, all of which
the social worker refused, yet was still incapable of seeing through him. The
talks were simply one sided – he tried all means to show that I was a bad
mother, and spoke non-stop. It got to the point I asked her what was my reason
for being there if only to listen to him talk, this was no mediation. She
agreed to this and decided on a “playful” method of communication where she
would place a stuffed animal in front of him and he would only speak up to the
point she would withdraw it, and then he had to stop and let me speak.
In the meantime I had
repeatedly told them that he had suffered from panic attacks for more than 10
years, he had ADHS, which diminished his ability to take care of a child so
young, he had no job, and even while married several times we had had to ask
for help from friends for food and he was addicted to sleep and anxiety drugs.
All this was ignored. I also consistently complained that he wasn’t
paying the €100 in child support but I was told that we absolutely could not
discuss money at the jugendamt. For this I would need to go to court. As long as
there was no apparent danger at the moment, nothing could be done. Out of
nowhere my ex-husband filed a case against me in court that he wanted his
weekend contact to the child to be increased to Monday (so Friday till Monday
evening).
I called the social
worker and informed her of this and told her there was no more need for
mediation. We were headed to court. He report mentioned that she saw no
immediate danger for my daughter from the father, and the arguments arising
from me were too weak to change the custody arrangement. She would recommend
joint custody to remain, but that we shouldn’t be allowed any contact as
parents to each other, with a new arrangement detailing him having her every
second weekend till Monday in kindergarten, and the rest of the time with me,
with one day overnight on the week that she wasn’t with him. Additionally we
should be made to undertake more intensive mediation as parents (after having
undergone it for 1 year and failed).
Before we could
challenge the recommendation, the social worker quit her job. It’s worth noting
that my ex-husband had often complained that as a woman she had favored me and
never took him seriously at all, and he wanted a man. Well, he got his wish and
the next one was a man. I told him right off the start that I didn’t want any
more meetings together with my ex-husband. I would only do a one on one with
him. This was accepted.
I met the new social
worker and the first thing he said to me was that he had met my ex-husband two days before and this was one of the most difficult personalities he
had ever met in his life. He mentioned that such personalities one meets only
once or twice in life, and hopes never to meet them ever again. He told me he
felt very sorry for me, and he could not understand why his colleague had
prolonged such an irrelevant case for 1 year. He told me about earlier
instances where my ex-husband had shouted in the office to the point of paralyzing
work in the offices. He also said it was very shameful that a man could not pay
just €100/month upkeep for his child, and he would talk to him about this. He
told me he would close the case immediately and I could then focus on my job
(the sole source of income for the child), which was already suffering due to
the intensity of meetings and calls.
This one social worker was a
major relief for me! However in totality the jugendamt had failed me. The toll that this one year took on my life is indescribable. They took a good mother and tore her psyche to shreds with endless discussions held forcefully with a man who sucked the very life out of me. I will never be the same again.
