Sinking in the marital abyss

Having a child with a man who chose not to work or make anything more of himself, other than live off the welfare system was the worst decision I ever made in my life, and I have made some bad ones in my life. However, I took it in stride, the mistake was done and  I chose to make the best out of a bad situation. I told him that we should stop living off welfare and try to gain meaningful employment as we had spoken about many times before we go married. I told him to try getting a job because his chances were higher as a native Austrian speaking the language. He told me there was not even up for debate because as soon as he would get a job the government would start taking money from his pay to offset his bankruptcy. What would be left from his salary on a monthly basis would be the €1,100 which we were currently getting as "unemployment money" I thought this was OK, because in time he would manage to pay off the debt he had, and then we would live a debt free life. "Forget it, I won't do it", was all I heard.

So I made the only other logical choice. I decided would resume my studies and thereafter gain good enough employment. The first reaction I got to this was a roadblock - that education is too difficult in Austria and cannot be compared to Africa, where I am from. I should give up - I would never even be accepted with an African educational background.

Ignoring such blabber wasn't easy - such things really hurt - but i went ahead and applied at the Wirtschaftsuniversität in Vienna once my daughter was 2 years old, and I was accepted into the masters program. Turned out my African education wasn't too bad. Following this,  I received the first hit from my ex-husband when he decided that he didn't have time to sit at home with the kid while I went back to study. I had wanted the baby and therefore I couldn't go back to my studies - I had to stay home with her. He decided at this very point that he  wanted to begin rebuilding his business (being self employed, he argued, he could register the business under a friend's name and therefore avoid big brother. He knew loopholes, this one). I offered to find some part time jobs and pay for a babysitter but he stated that he didn't want strangers taking care of his child.  I then offered to bring my own sister as a babysitter to the child - she would be no stranger and - and the almighty accepted this.

The two years of college were the most stressful part of my life. I had a daughter who got up several times in the night, a husband who wouldn't help at all with this, as he needed to get sleep through the night so as to "rebuild his business2 in the morning. Additionally I had  exams to study for, and every afternoon I took up part time cleaning & babysitting jobs for other families, to supplement our lives. There was no time for me. I cried myself to sleep every night. All parents and friends were called and told how I was a horrible wife, my friends were told, to my face, how they were better looking, and better wives than me. All i heard when i got back home after a stressful day was how it seemed I had wanted to marry a rich man, because i was working so hard  - therefore this had to be the reason. Try and beat that logic.

In 2013 I was in my 3rd semester at the University when life got unbearable. I couldn't suffer criticism any further. Any mistake i made was met by " and you say you are at the university" or "this is why Africa is underdeveloped". I was kicked, slapped, choked, threatened with death and pretty much psychologically drained to the point I felt myself completely worthless. I stayed, and i stayed some more for my daughter. I was so unhappy, but my daughter had a roof over her head, and food in her belly. I was going through the hard life and not her. I knew at this point I would have to leave, but I needed an exit strategy that guaranteed my daughter would be fine. I began looking through help for women in Austria.